Sunday, October 18, 2009
Dave the Warlock
So today was another reasonably uneventful day at work. I did meet a strange warlock though. His name is Dave.
The area where I work at the newsagent is a pretty rough one and so we tend to get a lot of witches and warlocks in the store. The witches are all moles. Simple as that. They are extremely outgoing and arrogant. Getting into an argument with a witch is not worth your while, and if you do, and you think you won, you'll only end up dealing with her moron warlock husband who will wipe the floor with you. Trust me. I've seen it, and it was funny.
Anyway, generally warlocks are morons with very little education. They leave school when they're about 14 and live on welfare for the rest of their lives. In this area anyway.
Dave walks up to the counter with a copy of Penthouse and his lotto numbers. Typical. Then he says "Hello good sir, I would like to purchase this copy of Penthouse and a lotto ticket for tonight's draw using these numbers that have been selected"
Interesting, I thought to myself. People buying Penthouse don't even look me in the eye let alone introduce themselves to me. But this guy obviously wasn't from around here. His footwear was closed and he was wearing a shirt and his pitchfork looked like it was purely for transportation purposes unlike warlocks around the shop who also use their pitchforks to bury dog shit in their backyards.
So I completed the purchase and he said "Thank you very much Andrew."
Andrew!? What the hell is this guy on? I thought to myself. I just smiled. Then, rather then flying off on his pitchfork he jumps into a Discovery parked out front and drives off.
And as for the nancy spider, as I arrived home from work I saw one of the guys up the street running around his front yard swinging a rake and yelling "I'll teach you to call me a grotesque bear who buys his clothes from the filthy pig shopping channel!"