Rude Awakening

I was woken up at 2am this morning, thumping headache and slits for eyes to someone knocking insistently on my door.
I answer the door to find it was my neighbor Rick.
I have to explain Rick. Rick is apparently from the planet Relustorn B. Just ask him and he'll tell you all about it and then shoehorn in how much of a successful software engineer he is. Rick is 4ft tall, purple and his head and body look like a watermelon on top of a yard glass.
"Hey Ritz, um can I hear a Scottish man yelling at your place. Normally I wouldn't mind but I have a big day ahead. I'm working on a proposal for a new piece of code which will revolutionise they way people order skip bins online." Said Rick ever so politely. This guy shits me to tears.
I was pretty sure he was talking about that wanker kraut spider still locked in my car.
I explained what had happened and showed him the spider. The spider referred to us 'sick bear and his purple sex toy' as we peered threw the window.
Rick informed me that he too had a rude spider problem a few days earlier except his spider was French and twice the size of mine. Of course it was Rick, you tool.
"So how did you solve your spider problem Rick?" uninterested I asked. "I threw it outside on to the road" he replied. Fair enough.
I opened the car door and quickly grabbed the flashy spider. He briefly mentioned something about my stubby fingers. I then threw him down the street into the darkness.
"You will pay ugly boys!" he yelled as he sailed into the darkness.
"Night" I said to Rick as I shut the front door. He replied. Whatever I thought to my self as I realised I still had a shit day of work to look forward to.